New York Yanks in ’09: Not Cheap, But Empty Pleasure

I do have a thing for red heads. And there’s something about blondes that can start wars.

But sexually, the experts say, humans are most attracted to those with similar physical features to their own, especially hair color. The theory holds true for me, I guess, as a dark brown haired individual; my eyes are definitely habitués of the brunette mold. I’ll even go as far as I proclaiming Jennifer Love Hewitt as the most beautiful woman on earth.

I once turned on a large HDTV, and Ms. Hewitt’s show, “The Ghost Whisperer” was on. It wasn’t until about ten minutes later, or until the next commercial break, that I realized that the sound wasn’t even on. Her natural beauty mesmerized me.

On the surface, Ms. Hewitt appears to be free of physical imperfections. She has a million dollar smile, a bold and beautiful facial complexion, and an hourglass figure that ensures the coveted Perfect “10” rating.

But let’s say, hypothetically, hard visual evidence was released that she in fact had nose job done before she burgeoned into a big time celeb. Or god forbid, she is actually a blonde, and spends hundreds of thousands to disguise her original hair color.

Presently, at 30 years old, supposedly a woman’s prime, she may even have had her breasts augmented already. Would I still consider her the most beautiful woman in the world if I knew that she was not all natural?

Well yeah I would…but…

Isn’t the J-Lo factor fall under the same principal as the mother who has two children, but one of them is adopted.  Does she love both of them equally?

Well yeah, but…

In the same ballpark is the situation of a good friend of mine who recently married the “It” girl from high school. Not the golden prize “It” girl, I’m referring to the one who had a knack for turning boys into men, including three of the groomsmen. Anyways, the newlyweds will live happily ever after, right?

I’m sure, yeah, but…

Speaking of ballparks, the World Series will begin on Wednesday from the New Yankee Stadium, as the Bronx Bombers will take on the defending Champion Philadelphia Phillies. This is the most highly anticipated (and most attractive) World Series matchup in recent memory.

You could say three out of four baseball prognosticators and fans alike would probably assert that the two best teams Major League Baseball has to offer in 2009 will go head to head for all the cashews.

If I’m a Phillies fan, I’m thinking that if we win this series, we will have to go down in history as one of the better teams of the modern era. And if we indeed upset the Yankees, who have the home field advantage, we will forever carry the prestigious title of “Back-to-Back Champs.”

The Cincinnati “Big Red Machine,” with legends Johnny Bench, Pete Rose, and Joe Morgan didn’t even accomplish that feat. In pro sports, teams repeat as champions about as often as one of the Kardashians is excluded from being pictured in an US Weekly magazine.

If the Phillies are going to beat the Yankees, farm-raised cornerstones Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Jason Werth, Shane Victorino, and the series “X” factor, ace pitcher and 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels, will all have to play up to their capabilities.

If I’m a Yankees fan, I’m thinking that if we win this series, the coming-of-age A-Rod and LCS MVP CC Sabathia, respectively, would just have to maintain the status quo—that is—Gangbusters.

Also if I’m a Yankees fan (regarded as the most sophisticated fan in sport) I know that pitching and defense wins championships; and CC’s light’s out performances are only as good as the guys behind him, most notably, the human bluefin tuna net at first base, Mark Teixeira.

I know we’ve been down this road before (hell it’s the essence of the franchise since George Steinbrenner bought the rights to Mr. October).

If I’m a Yankees fan and we beat the Phillies with the guy who slept with the “It” girl-former Red Sox hero Johnny Damon (who I still can’t get used to seeing in pinstripes) and the rest of his adopted teammates such as Teixeira, Sabathia, and A-Rod, I can’t help but think of it as somewhat-paid for to be played for.

Every champion constitutes a legacy. Almost every champion bears some kind of memorable label. If the Phillies win the World Series, the word association will forever be linked with “Back-to-Back.”

And if the Yankees win?

Yeah but…